My Past, Our Future
by jaydream
Summary: *There was a reason why Tim didn't act on himself to Tony...* McNozzo. ONESHOT. COMPLETED


**Yay my second McNozzo/NCIS oneshot! This has a bit of drama/angst/romance in it so this is right in my range if you haven't found that out about me already yet. I have been planning this for a while, so now is the time to finally get around to writing it.**

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**Title: **_My Past, Our Future_

_**Summary: **There was a reason why Tim didn't act on himself to Tony..._

_**Genre: **Drama/Angst/Romance_

_**Rating: **T_

_**Rating reasons: **Slash, abuse themes_

_**Characters: **Tony DiNozzo, Tim McGee_

_**Pair: **McNozzo_

_**Song (Used): **I Didn't Know I'd Love You So Much from Repo! The Genetic Opera_

_**Note: **You will feel sorry for poor Tony and Timmy. Oh and Kate's not dead. Yay. She works with Ziva and Timmy and Tony. Oh and Repo! The Genetic Opea mentioning and song rendering. Best freakin' movie ever and Timmy and Abby'd totally love it._

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There was probably only one person in the world who knew...apart from himself of course. But that was only because he trusted her with everything and anything in the world. In his world. Why? Because she was his best friend. That, of course, happened after but one or two dates where they decided that it wasn't really going to go far. After all...he wasn't really into girls that much. That, of course, was the choice he made because of his little secret. And she knew that. Because he told her. Tim McGee told Abby Scuito everything.

He wasn't the only one who hated staying overnight at NCIS due to weather complications. It'd been raining non-stop for four days and nights straight. So when the flood advisory came up, Gibbs made them all stay there for the night. Tim didn't blame him. Nobody did. They all knew he cared for them and would do anything to keep them safe. It was just the matter of staying there, at his desk, which was across from Tony DiNozzo's. Which meant he'd have to endure teasings and pokes and prodes and talks all night. Which he didn't want to do.

Luckily, there was a storage of sleeping bags and pillows down at Abby's for the four of them. They'd all set up their own little makeshift bed area behind their desks, which wasn't really much room, but it'd have to do for the night. Everyone was lucky and smart that they'd brought a change of clothes, too. Which Tim had definitely noticed Tony's lean, toned physique in his silk basketball shorts and wifebeater. That didn't help much at all to the already impending situation. Not to mention Tim didn't feel so measured up to the older agent in his sweatpants and oversized t-shirt. Tim had a ongoing war and issue with himself about his weight. Which was partially Tony's fault for joking about his chubbiness and also...part of something worse.

Tim shook his head and averted his eyes back to the newest issue of Redbook he'd grabbed that morning before heading into work. Lucky for him, he'd already suffered the taunts from Tony earlier that day about it. So he was able to just relax in the dim (only lights on were their desk lights) squad room and read. And ignore all else.

"Hey Probie."

Or he thought. Still, he kept his eyes away from Tony. He knew that he was just bored and looking for something to do. Of course he had to be his target. Ziva would snap his fingers to high heaven and Kate would just comment with a smart, witty remark that would make Tony confused. So naturally his target was HIM.

"Pro. Bie."

Tim looked up over the magazine. "What?"

"Hi," Tony gave his adoring charm smile that made Tim go weak every damn time. He also did this cheeky, lame wave everytime, too. Which Tim thought was all the more adorable.

"Yeah. Hi," Tim continued reading, hoping that was enough to keep Tony away and he'd go bug someone else. Like Abby maybe. Fat chance at that happening.

Tony tilted his head leaning back in his chair just watching. Of course there were things running through his mind, too. Like what made his Probie tick? What was he hiding under that childish exterior he saw? Where exactly did his Timmy come from? What was his life like? His past? College? Tony wanted to know it all. Of course while jumping his tongue into the younger agent's mouth and pressing their hips together. But that was another fantasy for another night. Right now, he just wanted spillage. Yes. Spillage. Tony'd learnt to love that word, thank you to Abby and he used it daily, which he noticed made Tim kind of smirk or smile. Maybe Tim thought it was cute. He hoped.

"I'm curious."

Tim didn't look up from the magazine. "About?"

"You."

Okay, NOW he looked. "Me?"

"Yes. Who are you? Who IS Timmy McGee? I don't know much about you."

"Tony, you know plenty about me. You knew plenty about me from the first day we met," Tim felt his heart skip beats just remembering that day. That day when he immediately just fell hard for this obnoxious, adorable agent who'd stumbled into his territory. Thank you case.

Tony shook his head. "No, I only know what you tell me. Told me. Have told me..." He seemed to be thinking over his phrase trying to see if it sounded right. Tim smirked, loving that he had most of the brains and Tony was just hot and brawns.

"What I've told you."

"Yeah that."

"You're lucky I have brains. You'd be lost without me."

Tony smirked. "Brains are hot."

"On a tall, leggy blonde? Yeah, probably."

_No, on you, stupid_, Tony thought smiling madly. "Whatever, are you going to answer me?"

"What was the question again?" Tim looked back at his mag, smirking behind it wildly, loving to tease Tony just as much as he teased him regularly. It was rare and Tim took the opportunity whenever it came.

Tony frowned. "Ha, you're hilarious McGeek," he said dryly.

Smirking, Tim lowered the magazine again looking at him and Tony stuck his tongue out. "I couldn't pass it up, Tony it was there. Sorry. You don't pass up an opportunity to tease you."

"Trying to get back at me?"

"Oh yes."

Tony rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair. Tim pushed his magazine away for now and leaned his head on his hand. His elbow was propped up against his thigh and for the moment, he just looked Tony from head to toe. How amazingly handsome he was. How hot he was. This just reminded him of how hot he wasn't.

"So," Tony looked at him. "About you. You went to MIT."

"Yeah. You knew that. I told you that from the start."

"Let me finish McInterrupty," Tony crossed his arms. "Have a sweetheart in college?"

Tim felt his stomach drop. Along with his heart. And everything else. The room just seemed to spin then and he swallowed hard. Why here? Why now? Why did Tony have to ask? What was the purpose? Why?

"Why?"

"Because I want to know if the Probie I know is a chick guy or a guy guy."

"Guy guy?"

"Yeah. You like dudes ya know. Is the Probie I know gay for guys?"

Tim swallowed hard. "Oh."

"Oh? Is that a yes?"

"Why do you want to know?"

_Because I want you. That's why I wanna know. Duh._ Tony tilted his head. "Because I'm interested to know."

"Well I'm not interested to tell."

"Boo you, McGeek."

Tim resisted the urge to flip him off in small annoyance. Just the mention of something like that made him....down. He subconsciously played with his phone, trying so hard to not think about it. About the horror he endured during his MIT days. The secret nobody but Abby knew about. The door behind the door. The door he didn't want to open. Especially in front of Tony.

Silence filled the room and Tony just looked at Tim. Noticing suddenly that there was something different. He bit his finger, voice very soft. "Did I say something wrong?"

Tim swallowed, looking up. "What?"

"You shut down on me. What'd I say?"

Tim shook his head, eyes down. Noway on earth was he going to let Tony see him cry. Noway on any planet, anywhere, just...no. Never. He shook his head. "Nothing. Just tired."

Tony didn't believe a word of that. It was easier to believe that he was straight than Tim was "just tired". He stood up and walked over to Tim's side of the room. He sat down cross-legged in front of him. "I don't believe you."

"You don't believe a lot of things."

"Just tell me what the hell I did wrong."

Tim kept his eyes and head down. "Nothing you did...just...said."

"Then...just tell me what the hell I _said_ wrong."

Turning his head TIm sighed deeply and swallowed hard. "I didn't want this to come up. I didn't want to talk about it but you...you brought it up and now it's...it's not going anywhere."

Tony was geniunely confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Your damn question Tony. That's what I'm talking about," Tim snapped lightly, finally looking at the older agent. His bright green eyes were just wet threatening with tears. Tony suddenly felt very worried.

"I'm sorry. I...was just trying to make conversation."

"I know. It was just the _wrong _conversation."

Tony really wanted to know now. He was also really worried now, too. His voice was still soft and still gentle. "What did I bring up that I shouldn't have?"

"If you don't know then it really doesn't matter now does it?"

Tony felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart with a knife. He quickly thought and eyes widened. "Oh! Oh...about the...Tim I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't mean to. It just happened."

"I'm sorry. I didn't...I'm sorry."

Tim heaved a heavy sigh and bit his lip tears threatening more. "There was someone. In college. At MIT. I thought that...I thought it would work. I thought that everything would be nice and great. I was wrong."

Tony looked at him, listening intently.

Tim swallowed hard. "His name was Bradly Harmon and--"

"Woah? You mean the governor's son? That Brad Harmon?"

Tim nodded. "Yeah. Him."

Tony suddenly felt very very wary about this story. He'd heard bad things about that boy. Drugs, theft, rape, murders....and he'd been able to get away with them all. Thanks to his father of course the poor bastard was still running around loose.

"We met the second week of school. He was so nice and so sweet and we started going out. It was great. It really was I was satisfied, I was happy and the world was just right." He paused and sighed. "Then about...six months into the relationship he started to verbally abuse me. Called me names, said mean things, obscene things...just was really awful."

Tony really wanted to know what he said. It was just itching him. But he'd let Tim tell his story. Let him tell something that was obviously so hurtful. He respected his Probie for sharing it.

"I thought it would pass. I thought he just did it because he loved me. Which is what he told me daily. So I believed it. And even if I didn't, I couldn't get away from. He had a chokehold on me."

Tony resisted the urge to clench his fists. This was just ridiculous. Someone hurting his Timmy. If only he'd known back then, he'd have put Harmon in a chokehold himself. And wouldn't let up or let him breathe life into the next day.

Tim somehow found it in himself to keep going. He was already halfway into the story. Why stop now? "After a year had pass, things had gotten worse. He started showing signs of getting physically abusive but hadn't touched me yet. So I didn't worry." He paused again. "One night, I came home late. I had a paper I had to finish so I was at the library until eleven. I was supposed to be home about nine and I couldn't get a hold of Brad. I thought myabe it'd be no big deal and he'd understand if I told him why I was so late. I walked in the door and he started yelling at me asking why I hadn't called and where I was. I told him calmly where I was, why, and that I wasn't able to get a hold of him. He swore at me and told me his phone was on all day there was no excuse." He swallowed. "That's when I got scared. He grabbed my arm with force and threw me against the wall in the bathroom. He kept one hand on the back of my neck to keep me there and yanked the towel rack off the wall..."

Tony's heart hammered not liking where this was going at all. It took everything in his power to not get up right then, storm out of the building, and find and kill this guy.

"Once he got it free he repeatedly beat my back with it. He broke three spots in my spine and it took two operations to fix it. I still have scars and some bumps from it. The story told was that I fell down the stairs and he tried to help."

Tony muttered under his breathe and Tim looked up at him. "That's not the worst thing he'd done."

"You've got to be kidding me."

Tim shook his head. "After that he was sweet loving and nice. So I thought. He wanted sex one night. I though things were turning around. Turns out all he wanted to do was do sex his way. So he tied me up to the bed and raped me. Repeatedly. With a gun barrel."

Shocked out of his right mind Tony couldn't even find words to say. He couldn't even think. Hell, he couldn't even move. Someone, no, not someone, Brad Harmon hurt his Timmy. His Probie. His McGee. That was not going to go undone.

"That's not the only time. He'd tried to or had raped me on many occasions. Just if he had a bad day or...anytime. There was nothing I could do. Nobody I could tell, nothing. He just knew everything. Was always there. Even had his classes moved so he'd never let me out of his sight. I was trapped." He let out a breath. "Months later, we were on his motorcycle going to a friend's house. I was in back and he was doing probably about 120 miles an hour. Unfortunately for me, he knew exactly what he was doing."

Tony tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"He rounded a corner he knew very well and turned so sharp that he could handle it, but threw me off. I hit the pavement hard."

Tony's mouth almost dropped, but he asked the one question he wanted to know more than anything. "Were you wearing a helmet, Probie?"

"I was. But the impact and the speed shattered the helmet when I fell, plus I had hit a large rock. My neck hit the rock point first and severed it," he took Tony's hand and placed it on a small raised bump on the left side of his neck. Tony swallowed hard fingering it.

"I ended up in a coma for two days. When I woke up, Brad was upset. Not upset that I was hurt, upset that I supposedly bailed out on him and just let go. He yelled at me and slapped me a few times. Then he turned supremely loving and sweet and apologetic. That's when I realized this was serious and I could very well die."

Tony kept his fingers on Tim's neck. "What was the story?"

"That he swerved to avoid hitting a dog and I slipped. That it was once again an accident."

Tony clenched his jaw, now stroking Tim's neck softly, hurting inside for him. "Was that the worst thing he'd done?"

"No. The worst thing he did to me was his last thing," Tim looked at Tony, locking eyes with him. "It was also one of the turning points in my life both good and bad."

"How?"

"You'll see."

Tony nodded. "Go on."

Tim sighed recollecting the worst memory there was. "Brad was working. I was home alone and I'd had a bad day of classes. So when I'm upset or have a bad day, I eat."

Tony'd noticed. He smiled softly. "You do that here."

"I know," a tiny pang entered his chest and he shoved it aside for now. "Well I'd eaten just a little more than I could handle that night, not really thinking about it. So I got a really bad belly ache and I hoped to God it would go away before Brad got home. He'd made so many cracks and insults about me and my weight already...I couldn't afford this."

Tony felt a stab in his stomach realizing that he'd once in a while cracked a tease or joke. "Tim I didn't mean any of that you know. I was just playing. You look great."

Tim nodded. "I know." He did know...it just still hurt and didn't really make him feel good. "Anyway...he came home and I was sitting on the couch trying hard to make it look like I was okay. He came over and sat next to me, not saying anything much or looking like he was going to do anything. He just sat there and was nicely rubbing my leg. I thought that maybe I'd get a free card out. But when he got up to go to the kitchen I accidentally let out a painful whine and Brad...had ears like a hawk. He looked at me and gave me a nasty 'What?' I immediately felt my heart hammer and replied with a smile telling him nothing. But he wasn't about to let that go. He asked me what again and said I whined. I tried to lie, but he hated when I did that so he got angrier." He paused, unaware he was playing with Tony's fingers, his hand in his lap. "He grabbed my arm and stood me up, which my belly strongly protested and I whined louder. That's when he got dangerous. He asked me what was wrong. I told him my belly hurt out of total fear not thinking twice about what could or would happen. He gave me a look of death and asked me if I'd eaten too much again. I replied that I'd had, again not thinking. When he let me go, I thought that was that. He wasn't going to do anything. He was just going to be mad. Unfortunately..."

Tony stroked his hand. "What did he do to you?"

Tim's voice became strangled and tears rolled down his cheeks. "He went to his jacket and pulled out his pocket knife. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me very nicely but very angrily that he was going to help me get rid of my belly ache. I didn't...click right then I was...I didn't click." He swallowed and Tony gently brushed his thumb against his cheek, wiping tears away. "He grabbed my arm and threw me to the floor. He straddled me, pinning me to the floor. He tore my shirt off and once that was done, he used one hand to pin my arms above my head. Then he stabbed me in the belly."

Tony felt his pulse race and tried not to clench his hand around Tim's. He couldn't imagine doing anything like that to him. He couldn't imagine that happening to him from anybody.

"Once he was satisfied with that...he moved the blade, slicing my belly open. There was blood...everywhere. I was screaming and crying and..."

Tony put his forehead to his, swallowing hard. "Oh Timmy."

Tim let out a strangled cry. "Then he left. I had just enough stregnth to grab my cell and call my best girlfriend. She came over and hurried me to the hospital. Brad was never linked to it." He swallowed hard, tears streaming. "I haven't been with a man since."

Tony stroked the back of Tim's head gently. "That's terrible, Tim. I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"I know," Tim sniffed. "But ever since then I'd been terrified to date men...date you...make a move on you...I've hated myself. I've hated my...everything."

Tony gently kissed his forehead. "You didn't deserve any of that, Tim. Nobody does. Especially you. I think that experience made you a stronger man. A better agent." He lifted his head. "It made you stronger."

"Hardly."

"No. No. It did. I've never seen anybody persist like you. You really work at things. And you're so smart," Tony smiled warmly, "and you're just...you're amazing. You don't deserve anything but the best."

Tim smiled through tears. "I know."

"And I'm so sorry for anything I've ever said to make you think you're worth less than you are. I was just trying to get your attention. I was being a high school boy teasing to get his love to notice him. I'm sorry."

"I know you didn't mean it...I just took it because...because of that."

Tony nodded stroking his cheek. "I know. If I had known, I wouldn't have even bothered to say things like that. You really are an amazing person, Tim. And you're so smart. And...you're so cute and you look...you look great. Don't let anybody tell you that you look bad."

Tim looked into his eyes. "But I am on the chubby side."

"That means there's more for me to love," Tony grinned. "And that means I'll have more of you forever."

Cheeks turning pink, Tim dropped his eyes. "You want to know what I did after I freed myself from Brad?"

"I'd love to know."

Tim smiled and gently pulled back, taking off his shirt. Tony's eyes immediately caught sight of the enlongated scar running across Tim's belly and tilted his head.

"Oh Timmy...." He reached out his hand and gently placed a finger, tracing the scar. "I'm so sorry." Tony knew right then that he'd love on that scar forever.

Tim smiled and took his hand, kissing his fingers. "That's not what I wanted you to see." He smiled, his eyes seemingly brighter. He got on his knees and turned around, displaying a colorful tattoo covering the most part of his upper back of a fiery phoenix surrounded by and rising from flames. Tony was enamored and floored. He gasped and controlled his hands best he could.

"Timmy that's...that's...amazing it's...awesome."

Tim smiled and pointed to the left wing. "My name's in there."

Tony looked closer and could very evidently see Tim's name in the wing in a black, tribal lettered font. Now he was definitely floored. "Wow Tim. The meaning and the colors and it's...can I touch it?"

Nodding, Tim looked over his shoulder and smiled. "Go ahead."

Tony nearly gleed and reached his hand out. His fingers lightly played on Tim's back, tracing every area of the tattoo. Smiling, he leaned in and softly kissed where his name was, softly stroking his side.

Tim shivered lightly enjoying the touch of Tony's hand on his skin. He leaned his head back, laying it on Tony's and closed his eyes smiling. For now, he was happy. He was safe. He felt loved.

Tony moved his hand upwards and back down again, slowly and lovingly stroking his side. He lifted his head, laying his chin on Tim's shoulder, kissing his cheek. "Tim..."

Tim's voice was equally soft. "Tony?"

Kissing his neck softly, being sure that Tim knew his every intent was to be soft and loving, Tony kissed his ear. "I love you. And would never NEVER hurt you."

Tim turned back around to face him, tugging shirt back on. He placed his hands on either side of Tony's neck and smiled. "I know you wouldn't. You're the only man besides Gibbs I trust to never do anything harmful to me. And you're the only man I'll ever trust myself to love."

Tony grinned. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Because...I just feel safe with you. Like nothing bad can hurt me. Or will hurt me."

Stroking his chest, Tony smiled warmly. "I promise you that while you're around me or in my arms, nothing will ever hurt you again. Nothing or nobody. I won't allow it."

Smiling, Tim planted a soft, light, warm kiss on Tony's lips. Tony kept the kiss soft, willing to follow Tim, not wanting to scare him off or make any moves that would make him think anything other than his love. Tim wrapped his arms around Tony's neck pulling them closer together. Tony wrapped his arms around Tim's middle hugging him close, not wanting to let him go.

"Will you lay with me?" Tim asked softly, talking against Tony's lips.

Tony smiled and kissed him gently. "I would love to Probie."

Minutes later, both agents were huddled warmly and comfortably in Tim's large sleeping bag. Tim was about ready to fall asleep and Tony knew it. Smiling, he softly stroked his hair, Tim's eyes getting heavier and heavier.

"What's your favorite movie, Probie?"

Tim mumbled tiredly. "Blame Abby. But Repo."

Tony lightly laughed, remembering Abby trying to get him to watch the gothic horror musical movie. He'd only gotten about halfway into it, but the way Abby carried on the songs in her lab and just singing them, he knew most of the songs himself. He continued stroking. "What's your favorite song?"

"I have three."

"Tell me them."

"Lemme see..." Tim yawned. "Chase the Morning...At the Opera Tonight...and I Didn't Know I'd Love You So Much."

Tony grinned wildly at the last song. He knew that one by heart. Why? Because it was the one song that reminded him of Tim so much. "I'm a good singer. Want me to sing you to sleep?"

Tim smiled. "I would love that."

Tony smiled and kissed his cheek. "I'm going to be a bit cheesy."

"That's okay. I like it when you get cheesy," Tim smirked sleepily.

Tony laughed and kissed his ear, laying his head against his. He gently stroked Tim's arm and began to softly sing. "Tim, be still. There is nothing you need say...it can wait. Just let only me say your name..." He smiled. "Sometimes I wanted to cry when the way I treated you was not quite the way to go, somehow I thought you just knew. But I didn't know I'd love you so much. Didn't know I'd love you so much. I didn't know I'd love you so much, but I do..."

Tim smiled and took his hand, joning in. "Sometimes I'd stay up all night. Wishing to God that I was the one you loved. Sometimes there's not enough time. But I didn't know I'd love you so much. I didn't know I'd love you so much. Didn't know I'd love you so much, but I do."

Tony kissed his ear. "Didn't know I'd love you so much."

"Didn't know I'd love you so much."

"Didn't know I'd love you so much, but I do."

Tony kissed his hand and laced their fingers together. "Timmy, sleep."

"Tony, will you not leave me here-"

"You'll be safe."

Tim smiled, letting his eyes drop. "You've already saved me, Tone."

"Please don't change your world for me," Tony layed comfortably next to him, holding his hand. "You will always have me waiting in your time of need. Timmy, you're the world to me."

**FIN**

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**Wow that was long. Good. I meant it to be.**

**Jay**


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